Four mistakes that trap women in Toxic Dating Relationships

Essentially, dating is so that you can take time to analyze if you can spend the rest of your life with someone in a marriage relationship. It should not really be a hurtful, devastating, and devaluing experience then but yet so many women have a part of their story that is shaded with a prolonged stay in a dating relationship where they were being manipulated, their values were being dismissed or even were forced to have babies outside of wedlock as a way to prove our fertility to the prospect husband! Here are four mistakes that women make that trap them in such experiences;

Choosing to work around red flags instead of leaving

The concept of red flags in dating is used with reference to traffic where the red light simply means stop, don’t move. Since relationships are built on character, red flags are those character attributes that cannot support a healthy relationship. Disrespect, dishonesty, manipulation, someone who pushes you to compromise your values, lack of loyalty, lack of self-control, Physical violence, emotional abuse selfishness, sexual immorality, and poor communication are all traits that potentially ruin a relationship. All these characters are rooted in ungodliness or a lack of reverence for God and no one that does not love God truly will love another person fully.

Not setting clear and strong boundaries

Setting boundaries in relationships is all about defining how far people can come into your life and how you expect them to treat you. Things like how much of your time you are willing to give them and how far into your space can they come are what you are defining when you set boundaries. when you can’t clearly state your boundaries and be strong enough to stand your ground, your relationships suffer. You get taken advantage of by way of others getting you to meet their needs at the expense of your own and without them caring to reciprocate.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for out of it comes every other issue.” – Proverbs 4:23

Boundaries do just that— help us to guard our hearts from traumas, betrayals, crushing disrespect, and even sin which are likely to happen to us if we just carelessly let people into every space of our lives even when they don’t qualify.

Setting unrealistic timelines of when you should get married

Marriage is for every adult who desires it but there isn’t a specific age limit to do it. Nevertheless, there is a lie (Revelations 12:9) flying around in society that romance is a qualification for a good life and the greatest happiness is found in a relationship with a boyfriend (or husband) so most young women pursue getting hooked as soon as possible even when they are not ready for marriage.

Speaking of readiness for marriage, Marshall Segal (writer and managing editor at desiringGod.org) challenges us to have serious questions about maturity and stability; Has our boyfriend or girlfriend matured enough to have any idea what they might be like as a husband or wife for the next fifty years? Have we really matured enough? Will one or both of us be able to provide for a family financially? Has his or her faith in Jesus been tested enough by trials to be confident it’s real?

Taking responsibility for other people’s bad behavior

The man you’re dating is not your child. It is not your job to mother him so if he comes with poor character such as a lack of respect for your boundaries, lack of self-control and therefore wanting to engage you in premarital sex because he can’t wait or outright immaturity where he wants the relationship to be entirely focused on only his needs. Your role as a helpmeet is to help him with fulfilling the purpose of his life or to pull him out of the strands of bad behaviour. People do not change because someone is forcing them to but because they want to.

Since your choices in life are governed by your thought patterns, I believe what you tolerate in your dating experiences or single lady season is dependent on how you think about yourself. I wrote the book “Journey to Wholeness: Learning to Value Yourself as a Single Lady” to help hundreds of women to cultivate the mindset they need to attract healthy dating relationships that can set them up for success.

You can get your copy here or on Amazon, it will elevate your life.