Overcoming the Fear of Never Getting a Husband

February 10, 2024

by Kellen with No Comment Dating Relationships Single life

Written by

Kellen

Ladies, the fear of never getting a husband is responsible for most of the unfortunate decisions we make concerning the men we choose to date and keep.

When you are worried that you might end up alone, you privilege anyone over the appropriate one. Then you start making excuses for a man whose values do not align with yours because you are trying to make sure you are not left out. A man who professes Christianity but does not bear the fruit of the Spirit or care to live according to God’s word is a no for a Christian woman to consider dating but you are willing to let him hang around as you talk him into doing things right because you think no one else will come around.

We humans were made to thrive in relationships and so it is a natural desire to want to cultivate relationships with those around us. Our need for relationship is even supported by God when He said that two are better than one. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

What would Cause you to doubt that you will find a life partner?

For most women, the quality of father-daughter relationship they had greatly determines how they choose who they date in their adulthood. When a girl had an absent dad let’s say, it is easy to feel like she is not worth loving and that she may not get a guy to commit to her. This worry then causes her to not be in position to be prudent when a guy comes around because her major focus is on keeping him and not making sure he is safe to keep.

The other reason that cause someone to doubt that they will get a husband is social conditioning. Our society promotes the idea of being married by a certain age so when you are way past that age and no one is pairing up with you, it is easy to start worrying that you will miss out. We look at being alone for a while as a punishment because our society has made it seem like it’s more important to be coupled up than to be single. So, we find ourselves emptied of the ability to hold out for the person that will align with our values because we think we’ll be missing out on getting married.

Replacing the lies with the truth…

First, If you grew up in a home with an absent dad whether it was because of separation/ divorce or death, in your singleness, lean in to God as the father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). Allow yourself to find in Him what you believe you would have got from a dad before you choose to just find a mate to fill the void. When you feel lonely, unsafe, financially unsupported, reach out first to God for help and company before you plug into dating sites and setting yourself up to get hooked. He is the ultimate helper (Psalm 121:2).

The problem with trying to run after guys to fill the void is that it puts you at a high propensity to settle for less. Because you want company and support, you might not be willing to put up standards that a guy should meet to be part of your life or you might be quick to break them just to accommodate him.

Secondly, consider your singleness as a time to wait appropriately for the right person who God will connect you to at his perfect time. Contrary to society’s conditioning that a woman ought to marry by a certain age, maybe within her 20s, God says there is a time for everything. As long as you are walking with God, at the right time He will make it happen (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

The other solution is to see the good in yourself outside of a relationship. Truthfully your value is not tied to possessing a certain thing including marriage. Your value is intrinsic. Your inner qualities such as kindness, heart of service, meekness, etc. are all things that make you valuable to God and to society. Do not write yourself off because of the external possessions you do not yet have because their only role is to enhance life.

Thanks for coming this far into this blog, I hope it has been helpful. For more help on safely navigating your season of singleness, please get a copy of my book Journey to Wholeness that will help you get the healing and strengthening you need to wait appropriately for your mate.

How to become a confident Woman

October 17, 2023

by Kellen with No Comment Christian advice Faith

No matter how you start out in life, you have an opportunity to finish well. You are already blessed to live a significant life that glorifies God.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and Multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. ————-GENESIS 1:27-28

To finish well is to live life to fulfill down to the last detail of what God has called you to do.

I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do. —– JOHN 17:4

It is a life where through your gifts, talents, and resources you bless the lives of those around you, and confidence is a key factor in achieving this.

Here are some tips on how to become a confident woman;

Discover your strengths

It is important to always operate in the area of strengths, rather than in the area of your weaknesses and the first step in discovering your strengths is to find out what you are passionate about by asking God about what He has created you to do. Your passions are usually tied to your gifts and you will gain confidence in your gifts if you train in them by allowing yourself to take on life experiences where they are required.

For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. —— 1 Corinthians 7:7

Mind your presentation

People always look at your appearance before they hear what you have to say so see to it that the way you dress, calls for compliments and facial expressions that will lift your spirit and make you feel confident.

Clothe yourself with your strengths

Keep away from always talking about the negative things in your life. Generally, everybody gets to deal with something bad at a certain point in their lifetime. Timothy Keller put it this way;

“No amount of money, power, and planning can prevent bereavement, dire illness, relationship betrayal, financial disaster, or a host of other troubles from entering your life. Human life is fatally fragile and subject to forces beyond our power to manage. Life is tragic.”
― Timothy Keller, Walking with God through Pain and Suffering

You notice that people tend to talk more about the positives in their lives and that draws us to them because they embody confidence and strength. You too can become a confident person if you focus more on what is going right for you. In fact, being positive in mind and in speech helps you get creative about overcoming the bad.

Take up opportunities to serve others

We all would love to be talked about as great people but service is the heart of greatness and like I earlier said, we become confident in our gifts and talents by putting them to use.

But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. —- Mathew 23:11

So if there is an opportunity to give of yourself to others, take it even if there is no payment attached to it. It is an opportunity to polish your skills and maybe come to a level of people paying for your time just to partake of your gift.

With those few remarks, I am glad that for the years you have left, you will confidently walk through every single day as you work on fulfilling down to the last detail of what God has called you to do.

May the peace of God that passes on all understanding be with you

May you always be driven by your dreams and not controlled by your circumstances

Yours Truly,
Kellen Kenlyn Nakaye
Author: “Journey to Wholeness: Learning to Value Yourself as a Single Lady”