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Written by Kellen Nakaye
We all vote for friendships that are enjoyable, full of emotional support through life’s challenges, and in which we are held accountable to becoming the best versions of ourselves.
Nevertheless, there are types of people who if you made friends with, it is to your own detriment. Spending time with them leaves you drained and your association with these kinds of people over a period of time hinders your personal development.
Let us explore the characteristics of friends who are not a great fit for you to entangle with so that you do not get a lot of your time wasted in non-rewarding associations;
The User
He/she only sticks around when things are going well for you but will disappears in times of despair. Even before your misery shows up, they tend to call only when they need something. For all the help, and listening ear you give them, they tend to show that they are bothered when you want the same from them. God says in his word that a friend loves all the time; that means they love you when you are up and stand with you when you are struggling. These are the kind of people who if you share your own struggles with them, are quick to tell you something worse in their lives so that they counter your submission and all the empathy still goes only to them. This kind of friend invalidates your feelings.
A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17
The Gossiper
For this one, every time you meet up, they can’t help but bring up someone else’s business! Sometimes it is confidential information that another person entrusted to them but they can’t help but dish it out, not for trying to seek a solution but just to talk about it. Trust me, friend, that kind of person also goes back and talks about you.
Such people are fond of character assassination because for them it is a habit to seek approval by putting others down in a way to portray themselves as a much more desirable person. In general, these kinds of people always discuss problems but not solutions or visions.
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 16:28 (NIV)
Now there is when someone uses another person’s story to maybe edify you or drive across a point. In this case, because the intention is positive, it is done respectfully, even by concealing names but when it is gossip, it comes off as putting the subject of the story down.
The ones who like belittling you
They don’t want to see you doing better than you are right now. So, they will frown at or dismiss any bigger plans you share. They always respond to you like you are incapable of doing any better than you are right now. They enjoy getting you to support their endeavors but they can’t do the same for you. I mean there is always some reason why they can’t buy your products or come to your event! They’ll make belittling statements about you and then claim they were joking if you confront them about it. They say anything at any time about you to put you down and (possibly) embarrass you in front of other people.
A true friend will care to sharpen and build you up.
As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. ~ Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV)
The one who acts like they are doing you a favor
It’s like they need you to reward them for every effort they put into the friendship as if your company and the great advice you share don’t bring value to them. This person acts like if they extend such gestures they have to be paid off. Sounds like ‘am too important to be your friend but if I am then you have to pay!’ So they don’t even reach out to you until they need something. Do you really need a one-sided friendship?
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
They pressure you into things
You know you have a mind of your own and sometimes you can decide on what you will and will not do. A good friend knows how to respect and understand your boundaries. A controlling friend wants to insist that you go where you said you didn’t want to go even after you’ve explained your reasons to them. They are more about exercising control and who wants a controlling friend?
Here is a fictional story that depicts the effects of bad friendships;
A man took a glass of water and placed it on the table. Due to some urgent work, he went out of the room. Next to the glass of water, was a bottle of poison. Looking at the water, poison smiled and said, “Your life will end soon because that man will drink you.”
Those words terrified the water and it asked the poison to suggest a way to escape from this problem. Poison replied, “I will give a drop from me to you and that will change your colour. When the man sees your colour change, he will not drink you.” The water felt happy and found a saviour in poison.
Water requested poison to mix a drop of itself into the water so that the man won’t drink it. Poison mixed a drop into the water and the colour of the water changed. The man returned and took the glass of water to drink. When he saw the colour change, he left the room without drinking the water.
His action thrilled the water and said, “My friend poison saved me”. Water then told Poison, “Now you can change me to the original condition and colour.”
With a simple smile, poison replied, “friend, I can only mix with the water, but I cannot take back from the water. Now you are poison and not pure water.”
Final thoughts
Beloved, with those few remarks, take time to revise your friendships. Are you growing in them, are you being given a shoulder to cry on when you need one?
It’s ok to have a few quality friends than a multitude of people that don’t help you to become a better person or hinder you from being who God has called you to be.
He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed. ~ Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV)
So, be bold and let go of those who exhibit such toxic traits. Above all, work on being a great friend yourself;
Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, Nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. Proverb 27:10